Changes

When I was younger, I loved writing in my little journal. It’s called a journal people, not a damn diary, at least not for me lol. I stopped a while ago, because, honestly, the only thing I wrote about was women, and now that everyone knows I like women, I can talk to people and not write in a damn notebook. But, a little while ago I was checking out my cousin Arnold’s AKA the Arnski’s myspace page, and he inspired me to do a little e-journal writing. I figured it would be fun right? Plus, I wanted to prove to Miss Clare and Luis that I could do something with this thing lol.

But really, I want to write, because I realized that ever since I moved out here, to Los Angeles, I don’t talk as much. I don’t talk because there really isn’t too many people I feel comfortable talking freely to. Back home, in Sactown, there was always someone I could go to and chill with. If I was bored during the weekdays, I’d just hit up Jackie or Drew and maybe go over their place, or maybe Gamay and Uncle wanted to gamble so Butch and Tina and JR would all be there too, or I could watch a movie with my mom and sister, or I could sit on our outdoor swing with Choco and Dori and talk to them lol. There was always something, like going over Mix’s house and sitting around hoping someone else would want to make a spoof on a commercial so that we could make fools out of ourselves. There was always someone, someplace, some event to go to, where I would feel comfortable enough to be myself. Oh, and I cannot forget those, Sundays, or Mondays, or Tuesdays, or Wednesdays lol, with Simon and the lovely ladies of Heaven. You see what I’m talking about?

Now, I work, I come back to the apartment, maybe I’ll go to a club, maybe I’ll chill with the dudes and write, but I never really talk. What kinda sucks is that, I don’t think the people out here really know the real me. They don’t know the Anne who sings karaoke incredibly loud and badly, or the Anne who can talk about anything and everything, or the Anne who gambles just to hang out with some good people, or the Anne, who will read a poem to anyone who will listen, and anyone I trust. No one knows that I will make a fool out of myself to make someone laugh, or that I actually cry every time I read the Notebook. Well now people know, but they’ve never seen it happen. Back home? Dude everyone’s heard me sing, and everyone saw mine and Arnold’s rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart where we ended up on the floor.

It feels like, leaving home really meant I left a big piece of me. It kinda sucks that I’m the quiet or shy girl around here, who everyone once in a while makes someone laugh. That’s not me! I feel like I’ve changed a little too much in the past couple of years. I went from a romantic to someone who couldn’t be with one person for more than a couple days, and then I went from this outgoing, goofy girl, to someone who is a little too shy and reserved. NO MORE!!!

Screw it dude! Hahaha it is time for the City of Angels to say hello and maybe Fuck you to Anne. The real Anne. The Anne I was before I lost my world. I’m pretty sure my dad’s been up there asking himself what happened to me. I gave up everything when he died, and now that I can say it, I think it’s safe to take the pieces I tore off and make a quilt with a little old and a little new.

Mom and Iza…no more sadness or anger I promise…Dad…basketball is back again…Jackie lol…no more playing games with the same sex…Simon…gotta keep our trips to heaven lol…Arnold…Im gonna blog with you man I read yours and you read mine…and to the people I work with or who works on me lol…im stepping it up, at least a little lol.

I think it’s time to come back, time to feel life again cause I think I lost the world for a little while. Let’s go make some beautiful people smile!

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